Confused about what? Confused about my parent's decisions.
I want to go to church and I know its good for me, but my parents forbade me to go. If it was during school time I understand, but its the holidays and the situation isn't getting better. Sometimes i quarrel with them on this but as usual, they act without reason and have no better explanation other than hoping I wouldn't become a pastor.

The most confusing part is that, my mum... actually believes in Christ and promotes me to go attend another church. So i took that for her actual motive at first.
Then she said, "Reason is that i want you to spend more time with the family."
When i'm actually at home, she's asleep. When i'm out she complains and to be frank with you I don't go out as often as other people when they finished their o levels. I'm just an average joe. And i find this situation laughable.

My parents have absolutely no idea, on how obedient I am. Yes i may defy their orders at first, but in the very end i actually would carry them out. If they say Sunday cannot go out, then I won't. Its always like this, and in the end because of them, i cancel appointments and postpone meetings to a later date, making me look like a unreliable person.

And when i'm at home, they say that they need to work, so i thought to myself, "I'd rather go out then!"
"No." is the answer i always hear. Even going to the library is something of precious time outside.
Yes, i may disobey them in terms of trivial and stupid things, but when it comes to curfew, work, money. I always obey them willingly or reluctantly. Other people of my age are already smoking, drinking and whatnot. I? I'm just at home 24/7 playing games on my computer and maybe blogging.

I really would wish to trade lives with my friends, for just a day...1 day. 1 day is enough. This is my plight and there is no cure for it.

Now i can only got to church fortnightly, I have half-hearted commitments due to the enormous amount of time spent at home. Its not that i'm not committed but more that i'm forced to be uncommitted and ignorant. Newspaper is not as good as the sights, sounds and touch of the outside world.

Regret,
KaiKein

You know? They sometimes say that every wound that does not kill you would make you a stronger person? And I used to retort "what if that wound cripples you? What you say to that?"
Now as a think about it, its not so much about the physical wounds that you receive but rather the past experiences that you weathered through. I was foolish into thinking that I could strike it rich by going into the sales and marketing industry. How wrong I was. The first customer was to be my parents, for their health and well being. I really sincerely thought that i could help them. Guess what? my mum disapprove of it and I was taken aback. After her good bout of scolding and tongue lashing, i slowly dawned to realise... The good things that they speak of, the pay that they promise you, the job, fame and money. It was all too good, too good to be true. And after serious pounding of it on the toilet bowl. I saw the reason for all this.

The company just needs everyone of their workers to sell the product to their parents as well as bring in their friends, then the friends would do the same. The way to achieve that? Propaganda and promises. I fell for their trick, bringing in two friends of mine. Almost did them in. Now i'm in a deep pile of shit with a very messy resume and mindset. I was once a strong believer of their products and i always thought that my mentors meant me no harm. But now I see, I see the truth and I see the intentions of the company. And I take pity and sympathy for my mentors. They did mean me no harm, they did coach and guide m through this particular segment of my life. And I thank them for that, learnt alot from them and i would really hope to continue being friends with them. They have ventured too deep into this pile of shit to actually get out. Their homes are filled with their products and their lives revolve around the products. Thats why i pity and sympathies with them.

Regards,
KaiKein

I always assume silent is consent. However that is not to be in some cases.
There was a old friend of mine, we fought over a slight issue which was my fault and lost contact right before o levels. It was devastating for me at first, but i managed to pull myself together right before the big exams. Recently i contacted and apologised, on the way complimenting on the good score as well as asking to be forgiven so that we could resume contact. I haven't received any reply after 4 days, hence I thought to myself " Okay, forget it and let it go. Its not going to get you anywhere. years of friendship ha just gone down the drain. Sigh~"
And so that is is and will ever be.

And because of this, I tried to reconcile two of my good friends. Along the way, i betrayed one of them. Wonder whether that was a good decision, however the consequences i wish to bring those two blockheads together once again. I'm not sure thus far, for the first time in my life, I stumbled, lost my footing, however you call it. I always knew what to do or my heart always pointed the direction to me. Now? Its as if I'm thrown in the middle of the dessert with nothing and I'm supposed to find a way out.

I guess there are things that are best left at that and that i should not try to be nosey. The story of my friends can be posted at a later date when I finished the episode.

Regards,
KaiKein

Now that i finished my O levels, i have much more free time to spare and can do a lot more things, meaningful things. I've been going round jumping and all to lose some of those stubborn weight... Its been quite fun, especially when u excersise with your friends.

Truthfully, i kinda hooked on this game called BlackShot. It has a dedicated server in Singapore and its kinda fun to play.

I searched for jobs and landed one at Venture Era. Its something like a sales promoter and i earn the commission from a sales of a product. which is good =D

Went to east coast park today to cycle with my friends... Not bad, nearly got a sun burn and all but overall it was fun, planning to do it again this fortnight but this time i wanna go to Pulau Ubin, an offshore island. We'll be close to nature.

Alright, signing off.
KaiKein

Hey, now that i have my own laptop, i can post more regularly instead of every month or so one time. ;D

Anyways, i really think that time will heal all wounds. Take for example, an old friend of mine which i wronged in the first place has at least messaged me on facebook on my O level results. Hey! Not bad eh? Of cos i replied and we talked. Ain't that good?

Okie... right now, every thing's over, settled.
Done my JAE exercise... Its not confirmed but most likely i'll be able to get into the course I want in a polytechnic. My life after O levels has been an eye-opener. Somehow, now i prefer lesser ad lesser things. For example, last time, i do not usually wish to go to the library, much less borrow books for my studies. Now? I'm going to the library to borrow research materials and "insights" to my course, Chemical and Bio-molecular Engineering. Its like the time when we used to run around during recess has faded to the quiet serenity of your own room.

Somehow, I did well as compared to my peers but somehow I do not feel as contented as I ought to. I ought to be jumping with joy with a smile on my face everywhere i go, but it seems rather annoying to me that my mind wanders away to studies and material gains in my life. There were people who advised me against going to a poly, yet there were others who encouraged me to get into one since i had an idea of what i want to do in the future. Last time people said that JC were considered the elite ones, as compared to preset where graduates from either sides have much of a fair chance in their next level of education, University.

Yes I admit that previously Jc always has an extra edge over poly students, but the fact that local universities are now opening up spaces for poly students sends a strong signal to me, and the rest of Singapore, that poly has made a mark of excellence for themselves. Perviously when Singapore was still a developing country, JC was the only way to go as there was no polytechnics yet. Until the government decided to step in. So the older generation has a preconceived mindset that poly were for school drop-outs and that the "normal" route was the college education. Times have changed though.

Now JC graduates are labelled as "lost" or "blur" on what to do in their lives, while on the other hand, Poly students are looked upon as people with determination and hard-work. Or at least thats what i want to be looked up as and hence I'm going to prove the older generation wrong and I'm gonna make a mark of myself upon society and upon the lives of people.

Now settled into my new house, my parents are faring much better as compared to when we were at the city area. The air here is much cleaner, or would be if there wasn't a construction site next to us. Anyways, plenty of green scenery and gardens surrounds this little haven of ours, making it pretty green and fresh.

Gonna end of here after a couple of thank you.

1st i wanna thank God for pulling me through this phase of my life. And as i enter a whole new chapter, I pray hard that he would aid me as he aided me though my secondary school life.

2nd, I want to thank my parents and teachers for their enduring support for an average student like me. Parents and teachers alike, they gave me the support and the chiding meted out on me as appropriate.

3rd, My dear friends that give me the life that i have now. Without them i wouldn't dare to have dreamt of entering a institution like this. Without their continuos support and sudden out burst of randomness, I would not have become who I am. It is a very true thing that your friends will greatly influence your life, perhaps even more than what your parents and teachers can do to change you. For good or for worse, I would always remember a few names.
Kenneth
Malcolm
Sitoe
Russell
Guo Hao
J ho.

I wish you all the best. And always, The best is yet to be!

Hmm... I'm getting my O level results soon and i hope my work will pay off. We, students, have spent countless months practicing and absorbing everything and anything that may help us do well for this exam. Some times i may just freak out, on the surface... all is calm, but beneath me is a raging storm.

I have no time for girls and relationships, let alone getting a steady. My previous relationships has just proven me that its just not worth it. From time to time, I wonder and think on the thinks that made it fail. And sometimes i reasoned out that i am a complete jerk and was stupid. Other times, i can go into a conclusion that it wasn't my fault and that it was totally hers. Well, I'm just too young and inexperienced to be thinking of these things.

I now state my new year resolution.
1. Get fit
2. Get an A for my end year project