I got my job at IFF, as an intern of course.

I have a wonderful supervisor. Both funny and cheeky at the same time while not neglecting his work. His multi-tasking abilities are insane! He can keep track of everything he's doing and even distributes it to me based on priorities. So now, i'm doing all the simple but troublesome jobs while he attends to urgent tasks and important things.

It is an absolute pleasure thus far to work with him.

I also started to play at the worship band in church as a bassist. They were desperately in need of bassist and I can sympathize with them, hence I joined. It is hard to come across a willing bassist because it plays a "support role". It is the unsung hero and the background worker. It creates a backbone for the entire band with its low but boomy  tone, hence taking the audience's attention to the lead singers/guitarists.

After my first audition, I thought I wasn't able to play because I was nervous and got my chords mixed up. However, I got in! It was thrilling to know that I can finally serve and praise God with what I myself enjoy. It is truly rare to work but yet enjoy at the same time.

My last thought as the year comes to an end, is all the self reproaching I've tormented myself with. Is it really necessary? Yes I've made a mistake, and I regret it. But I'm only human, with emotions and a hot head. Now that I'm clearer of my actions, all I want is to apologize (i'm still guilty and the very least I can do as a man is to apologize to her).

Nothing satisfies me like her smile to be honest. I miss that smile, I miss the sparkle of her eyes why she does it. I miss her blunt jokes, while crude yet refined. It's a tough concept... I know. But I'm beginning to accept that I might never be able to see her again but this is what drives me. It motivates me to grab every chance I will/would have to apologize to her. Right now other than God, family and job, she is next on the list.

I re-logged in to tumblr today, i saw my last post dated April 2012. I saw that heartbroken boy trying to get over her. I saw all the sorrow and what not. And i thought to myself, why? What for?

Honestly, I don't even know whether a simple "sorry" would be enough. Although I know that yes, I have to apologize but what good will plain and simple words do? What will be the outcome? Will nothing change? Will she finally begin to talk to me? I don't know.

Neither can I decide on the medium for communication. Should it be via text? Via a call or over a cup of aromatic coffee (she likes coffee bean, not starbucks. That I remember very clearly.) I'm in... what would you call it? A dilemma? A honest confusion. She once commented that I had foresight. But what use is foresight when I do not make the proper decisions despite being informed. Truth be told, I foresaw all these things that had happened, but I went ahead with it anyway. What I did not see then was the part about losing a good friend and how it would impact her.

Mylene, if by any chance you see this post, be it whether it's shown to you or not. I want you to know that I've missed, hated and loved you all at the same time. I've been thorough with myself and now I know that what I need is you. And even though we might not be able to be together, then at least let us talk the way we used to back then.

Regards,
Kai Kein