You know,
Maybe one day I would find the answers that i've been looking for all my life? maybe one day she will be back into my arms. Maybe, just maybe. Hope is the thing that keeps us all alive. Without it, there's no chance of being alive, no chance of living, no chance of life.

Recently I've been reading into the taboo of religions and have grown a interest in it. Seems that if there is good, then there must be evil because there must always be an equilibrium.

And also recently I fell in love. Well, not exactly recently, quite long ago. I started to like this girl. And see, the problem was that my friends that met her does not have a good impression of her. They say she's too rude, too straightforward. But thats what I like, and that is what i'm looking for. And true to all my past experiences, it failed. TWICE. The first was a screw up on my part which I do not wish to give anymore entertainment to. The most recent one was when I found out that she's "sorta" attached.

Weird thing is, I prayed to God about her before I found out that she's attached. I asked for a sign, on whether I should continue waiting for her, or move on. WELL... most of my friends asked me to move on, but this particular one, she said. "Its obvious she don't give a shit about you in comparison to the time and attention you gave her." Now, normally I would find this statement offensive and would blast that fella away, but somehow this made me sad simply because it is true...sorta...I hope not. But then again I gave some thought to it... and fell asleep.

So the very next day after fencing training and all, I heard from my friend that she's attached. At first I thought it was a joke and that he wanted pull my hopes down. Somehow that thought clung onto me. When I got home an did all the washing up, i texted her, "hey i heard you are attached." Initially I meant it as a conversation starter, turns out, it killed not only the conversation but my feelings and mood and everything i thought was good.

It was a long reply, but the meaning was simple. "Not really, its complicated." That's all I can really make out of the message through the confusion, disbelief and mounting sadness. I who have tried to win her heart for close to 6 months has been beaten by a guy who knows her for a month. I literally got pawned.

I nearly cried myself to sleep, but thank The Lord for making my body all shagged and sluggish. The moment i hit my pillow, i slept like i never slept before. But it was a fitful sleep.

Morning came, but a bitter me awoke. Still drowning in the sorrow, I managed to put a fake smile to show my parents and school mates. But not long after, that smile faded. Just nice, my iPod shuffle played all the saddest songs in my collection. And after school, it rained. So I, as sad as I was and as depressed as I was, went on to facebook and wrote out my feelings in a short expressive verse

Sky,
Why are you so gloomy today?
Do you share the same woe as I?
Be it that your lover, The wind has left you?
But perhaps when you pour down your tears she may come back.
And she may come back more passionate than ever.
But If I pour down my tears, nothing will change.
-Kai Kein

I never gave up, I never let go and yet this happened.
But of course, now I know that God answers prayers.
And he is real.

Regards,
KaiKein - A boy with a stone heart.