I think i live a very boring life as compared to others. However, i like it that way.
Perhaps I'm just a very mundane person or just someone who likes peace and tranquility. I don't know. Is this the stage in my life where i start to find out who i really am? Is it the stage of my life that i go out to venture and learn more things? Perhaps..

Today my friends and I went to East coast for some church activities which included games and all, we had fun. Something struck me afterwards. When we were deciding which movie to watch, I sort of lost myself.
I had been a guy that doesn't think to act and would face the music later on. But nowadays i find myself thinking twice to whatever I do, be it a small thing or a major one.
Today showed me how wrong I was last time. I had a indecisive decision. There was no movie to watch and much less things to do, but i insisted on going for a movie so we did. At the queue, I was looking at the timings and it sank in.... I no longer wanted to watch a movie. and my friends agreed. It wouldn't have happened last time, it did now.... And i'm stunned by my own actions.
Learning a new way of life now, I need to adjust and accustom myself to the world.

Why, is it wrong to shower some concern upon others? even if you've only met them 2 times in 2 weeks? IS it wrong to ask what happened when something fishy pops up?
Am i even sending the wrong messages to them?
Why, you ask. Why do you think that my world is centered upon your life. Why is it then wrong, inappropriate and harmful to ask for the well-being of a friend?
Is it stupid of me to be myself. Don't you think that having a friend is a matter greater than anything adjacent of your current life? Or are friends just a distractions for you?
I ask why, you lash me with words. You ask why, i explain. IS it even fair that i get those lashings without finishing my story. WHY must you be so unreasonable?
Why do I have to be mistaken? Why do I have to be misinterpreted? why do i have to go through this stage of life? Why, am i unable to convey my messages to you?
You suggest that i want to chase you, you think too highly of yourself. I've got to bother about my own life and got no time to go around chasing self-centered people.

Kindness never pays, but be kind no matter what. For this reason I forgive you, but I will never forget those harsh words, those words, sharp as razors. Tearing down my mind like a hot knife to cold butter.
I will wash my hands of you, utterly disappointed.

It has been sometime since i last posted, but alot have happened since then. Perhaps it was good that i did not post as my thoughts were wild and cruel at those times.
Lets start like,
School has started and its a polytechnic but you see, i'm caught in between JC and poly, elite and normal respectively. It has been fine after school start but i'm still in the holiday mood.
Selfish as I was, I recently offended yet another person and now am trying to think of a way to say sorry. I was high then, frantically on facebook little drunk with tiredness and typed somethings i shouldn't had.

Now for my life in poly. It has been a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs all over the place with loops and other things, but the thing that strikes me most is the sudden change of environment. The sudden introduction of massive amounts of girls has taken its effect on my character, now i'm becoming more goal orientated instead of process orientated, which is bad. And then i've been for the first time outwardly called immature. It was such a big blow to me. Firstly because it came from a girl, second was that I was so full of myself that I failed to see more than things alone. It was disheartening, I felt crushed, spoiled and on the floor. It was something i hadn't felt for a very long time indeed and maybe that was HIS way of reminding me of who I am. I was sort of flirting with her, she saw through and then boom right in my face statement.
You could say it was your fault, you deserve it. However, if you flirt without adding a bit of ego, then what is it? I thought that to myself first, now i realise thats just called childishness. I went over the board, crossed the line that was drawn by me and perhaps her. i went beyond the medium of mutual trust and respect. I violated her dignity and I deserve what i have now, Isolation.
At first it was hard to accept that i concluded to myself at fault. Then everything seems to fall in place. I've been irrational and irritating this few days, talking about things i should have not talked about, influencing people to do what i do. All because i wanted to feel accepted. No. stop, i have enough of my actions hurting people. I had enough of relationships, I simply had too much.
Jaded I am and Jaded I will be.