It has been sometime since i last posted, but alot have happened since then. Perhaps it was good that i did not post as my thoughts were wild and cruel at those times.
Lets start like,
School has started and its a polytechnic but you see, i'm caught in between JC and poly, elite and normal respectively. It has been fine after school start but i'm still in the holiday mood.
Selfish as I was, I recently offended yet another person and now am trying to think of a way to say sorry. I was high then, frantically on facebook little drunk with tiredness and typed somethings i shouldn't had.

Now for my life in poly. It has been a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs all over the place with loops and other things, but the thing that strikes me most is the sudden change of environment. The sudden introduction of massive amounts of girls has taken its effect on my character, now i'm becoming more goal orientated instead of process orientated, which is bad. And then i've been for the first time outwardly called immature. It was such a big blow to me. Firstly because it came from a girl, second was that I was so full of myself that I failed to see more than things alone. It was disheartening, I felt crushed, spoiled and on the floor. It was something i hadn't felt for a very long time indeed and maybe that was HIS way of reminding me of who I am. I was sort of flirting with her, she saw through and then boom right in my face statement.
You could say it was your fault, you deserve it. However, if you flirt without adding a bit of ego, then what is it? I thought that to myself first, now i realise thats just called childishness. I went over the board, crossed the line that was drawn by me and perhaps her. i went beyond the medium of mutual trust and respect. I violated her dignity and I deserve what i have now, Isolation.
At first it was hard to accept that i concluded to myself at fault. Then everything seems to fall in place. I've been irrational and irritating this few days, talking about things i should have not talked about, influencing people to do what i do. All because i wanted to feel accepted. No. stop, i have enough of my actions hurting people. I had enough of relationships, I simply had too much.
Jaded I am and Jaded I will be.